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- You actually consider using the hasn't-been-washed-in-weeks towel in
a public bathroom to dry your hands.
- You stocked up on Marlboro at the arrivals hall duty free for $15 a
carton, only to find you can buy them for $5 a carton in the shops.
- You already bought fake Mont Blanc pens from 3 different people because
you don't know Indonesian for "no thanks", and you're not even out of the
airport yet.
- You imagine the taxi driver will give you a discount because you helped
push the car when it broke down on the toll road.
- You think the warung with the 2 metre wide Guinness advert sells Guinness.
- Your wife asks the maid to go out and buy a box of tampons, and the
maid has absolutely no idea what she's talking about.
- You wonder where the news sellers keep the girlie magazines, because
the "top shelf" seems just like all the others.
- You think red traffic lights mean you have to stop.
- You bet the kids you can spot a truck with tread still on its tyres
before they can. No one wins.
- You ask what the legal drink-drive limit is, and are told "It depends
how drunk you are. Around Rp 100,000 should be enough.
- The classic: you think bule is a polite word for 'white people'.
- You spend ages looking for the Indonesian word for "toilet paper/tissue",
finally find it and say to your servant: "Bisa tolong minta kertas tipis
untuk toilet?" and she answers: "Oooo tisu, Mam?"
- You wonder what on earth goes on inside those buildings marked "cat
oven" (Is the food safe?).
- You think it is remarkable that every neighborhood in Jakarta and every
village you pass in the countryside seems to have a doctor with the rather
unlikely name of "Dr. Gigi" (Do they all look a bit like Eva Gabor?).
- You think that walking or jogging from your apartment in Senayan to
your office in Kuningan is an excellent idea.
- You still treasure the concept of a COLD beer.
- You think "Hello mister!" is a little local "colour" and not in the
least annoying.
- You think Hello Mister and is a friendly greeting, and perhaps an opportunity
to meet a "local"
- You consider the mistake in your bar bill genuine ...
- Mr. 'Menara' must be somebody so rich to own so many tall buildings
...
- Someone changed the TV channel 7 times in the last 10 minutes and you
didn't notice.
- You're a girl, and you don't own any size 8 black trousers or 2 cm-thick-cup
bras.
- You think around 30% of the female population of Jakarta are nuns.
- The very first Indonesian words you learnt were "Kenapa semuanya
selalu terlambat?"
- You've seen 5,000,000 cars and 10,000,000 motor bikes, but never yet
seen a gas station.
- You ask to see the ojek driver's insurance certificate before
you'll ride with him.
- You think when the girls smile at you it means they want your body.
- For guys ... you wonder why your secretary looks so ready to throw herself
at you after you ask her: "Could you copy this file darling?" (only because
you can't bloody remember what her name is!)
- You think that for the price you pay for telephone calls ... that you
will get a good service.
- You think that the indonesian language is called "bahasa".
- You spend ages looking for words such as "mencari" in your dictionary
**
- If ... you end up trying to put water in your car tyres (air in
Indonesian means water!)
- You're struggling to get your mind around the concept of kopi musang,
when you are introduced to the concept of durian gajah (Sumatra,
1977)
- You try to use the hot water from your bathroom tap to make a cup of
coffee in the morning.
- You go out at the weekend looking for a nice park to take a walk/play
ball in ...
- If you think you needn't pay after a tukang semir has unfortunately
"smeared" your sneakers.
Satisfaction is not part of the equation in business undertakings
... you must pay for any service
rendered without regard to its consequences.
- If you think the little food items the waiter brings to your table (aside
from what you ordered ) are free.
Glossary:
| Indonesian - Bahasa Indonesia |
English - Bahasa Inggris |
| tisu |
facial tissue and/or toilet tissue |
| cat oven |
cat - paint, baked on auto paint! |
| Dr. Gigi |
dentist |
| menara |
tower, common name given to office buildings |
| Kenapa semuanya selalu terlambat |
Why is everyone always late! |
| ojek |
motorcycle taxi |
| bahasa |
language (Bahasa Indonesia is the Indonesian language) |
| mencari |
to look for something/someone |
| kopi musang |
Coffee made from beans that have been consumed and excreted from
a musang (civet cat) |
| durian gajah |
enormous species of durian (gajah means elephant) |
| tukang semir |
person who polishes your shoes |
**Early difficulties in learning bahasa Indonesia are often related
to the need to understand the structure of Indonesian words. Once
you can get rid of the ter-, meng-, pem- and other suffixes and find the
root word ... it's much easier to look things up in a dictionary. For example ... membuka - look up buka; mencari - look
up car!
These great insights into the humorous situations expatriate newcomers
to Indonesia find themselves in were written by visitors to the Expat Forum
on this site.
© Held by Contributors
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